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By Mathew Michaels, A-CNN


Westboro Baptist Church to Protest Twinkies, Christmas

"God hates Ding Dongs

and Ho Hos!" Pastor Fred Phelps

(A-CNN)The Westboro Baptist Church, the controversial group known for protesting outside funerals of slain U.S. service members, has announced that it will picket the vigil for the Connecticut school shooting victims.  

In a related story, the Westboro Baptist group also announced it will picket the a Missouri Wonder Bread/Hostess Cakes bakery outlet that, after 52 years in operation, was recently forced to close its doors

The Associated Press reported last month that Hostess Brands Inc. was going out of business after striking workers across the country crippled its ability to make snack cakes such as Twinkies and Ding Dongs as well as its Wonder Bread and other items.

“This is great news,” tweeted Shirley Phelps-Roper, a spokesperson for the Westboro Baptist Church and a relative of the group's founder, Fred Phelps.  “We’re going to gather outside the Hostess building to sing praise to God for the glory of his work in executing his judgment against the Ding Dong."

It is unclear when the group plans to initiate the picket, although the tweet from Phelps-Roper implied that it would be soon, since they want the now-unemployed Hostess workers to be miserable this Christmas as punishment for their sins.

Members of the Westboro Baptist Church say that God Himself has seen to it that no one will ever eat another Twinkie, another Ding Dong, or another Ho Ho.

In 2011, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of the Westboro Baptist Church, saying that the right to picket funerals was protected under the First Amendment. President Obama earlier this year, however, signed legislation that said that protests must be held 300 feet from military funerals.

The law is unclear, however, with respect to how far the group must stand from a Twinkie factory.

“It says right there in the Bible that in the end times mammon would become sugary, nasty little cakes,” tweeted Phelps-Roper.  “So, praise Him!, these folks are rightfully out of work since these little anti-Christs have been cranking out Beelzebub’s tasty cakes for years.”

Fred Phelps himself has since unveiled a slogan to be used during the upcoming picket: “Ho ho Hostess had to go. This holy cause ain’t dinky! God really hates the Twinkie!”

When asked about the group’s plan to protest area Christian churches on Christmas Eve, Pastor Phelps replied: “Well, it’s those little Holy Innocent characters in the Jesus narrative that have us concerned. I mean, obviously they had it coming!  With Caesar and Herod working their political mayhem, it’s pretty clear to us that that slaughter was God’s just punishment.”

So has Phelps officially left the Christian Faith altogether: “Well, yes, we don’t follow Christ anymore. How can we?  He, his mother and his father tried to escape God’s wrath by heading into Egypt—a pagan country. And that’s why in the end Christ gets crucified. He got his comeuppance.  If we’d been alive in those days we would have picketed his funeral, too.”

No word yet on a rumor that the Westboro Baptist group intends a nationwide picket of the funerals of pediatric cancer victims, which the group also believes to be another positive indicator of Divine retribution.  

When asked if his father Fred hides his own Easter eggs, Billy Bob Phelps told A-CNN, “ever since I can remember!”