Largest Hate Group In America Unmasked

Maine Voters Reject Gay Marriage

Colin Tims
A-CNN Staff Reporter

The Mother of all Hate Groups: Voters!

ALLIUM CEPA NEWS NETWORK: Now that Maine voters have overturned the state's "gay marriage" law Gerald Kapok, censorship chairman of Project Gag at the Southern Prosperity Law Center, announced that the watchdog group has sniffed out the largest hate group yet to be found in the West: voters!

“There are many unenlightened voters out there who simply don’t know what is good for them and as a result cast ballots that do not accord with our agenda,” said the man known to be “meaner than a junkyard dog,” in the words of multimillionaire TARP-client sponsors of the group.

“We won’t allow the unwashed to dictate to the dictators by means of the ballot box, and will use every available means to stop them dead. Dead or alive!” Local, national and international law enforcement agencies have been given their marching orders: stop the madness!

“Social engineering is too important to be interfered with by a gang of goons who think they have rights!” Kapok emphasized. “Next thing you know, these upstarts will want their votes counted accurately! Where will we be then, I ask you? Only an international police force with powers of summary justice can keep these clowns from turning back the clock on all the progress we’ve made!”

Rock star Donna Marijuana was quick to chime in with a ringing denunciation of the uppity commoners who would dare to make themselves heard. “I’m a material girl and that means I… It means… I mean, those people, wadda they know, you know what I mean?”

Film legend Robert Deadford joined the chorus. “Why don’t they simply do as they’re told?” the environmentalist mused. “Why don’t they turn down their thermostats and stay in on voting days, do something to save the planet?”

World leaders were no laggards when it came to heeding the call of the banker-and-foundation-funded call center that claims to be the world’s overseer. At a specially-convened emergency meeting of the U. N Security Council, emergency measures were speedily proposed, each leader struggling to outdo the others in extremism.

“Interpol must be given immediate and global power to read minds!” insisted one noted world leader. “We must heed the clarion call of the Poormouth Lawdogs, um, the Southbound Poorlaws, ah, well, whatever the hell they’re called! They have magical powers to decide for all of us, and the sooner we realize it, the better.”

It’s time for one and all to toe the line. Elections simply don’t make sense in the hate-and-terror-charged atmosphere of the twenty-first century.

“We root out hate wherever we find it,” barked Kapok, jaw jutting forward like a pit bull in heat. “And we find it everywhere, whether it exists or not. Believe me, we know all there is to know about hating!”

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