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Neo-Caths In Wonderland

by Chris Jackson POSTED: 10/22/13

“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?”

- Alice in Wonderland -

Things are now getting so bizarre in the post-Conciliar epoch that one must literally pinch oneself to make certain what one sees is real. Never before have Catholic journalists become so detached from reality that they can present events as the opposite of what your senses tell you. What is even more bizarre is that otherwise rational Catholics, instead of challenging these journalists’ writings, often end up substituting the journalist’s fantasy for reality.

Case in point; a recent article in the Vatican Insider titled, “Francis Unfiltered.” This article could, in all seriousness, be copied word for word and used as a satire. The article is actually so jaw-dropping, I encourage you to read it to prove I am not making it up. However, please do not drink anything while doing so, unless you want to end up cleaning it off your monitor.

In case you’ve been under a rock for the past year, you have noticed that Francis has been an absolute PR nightmare, constantly giving off-the-cuff commentaries without thinking anything through. This has caused equally constant headaches in the Vatican Press Office as the Vatican Press Secretary has had to continually qualify Francis’ remarks. In addition, the progressive media and liberal Catholics are having an absolute field day taking quote after quote from the Pope and waxing poetic about the sheer number of left-wing things that are possible under his pontificate. The media is currently discussing everything from women Cardinals, to Communion for the divorced and remarried, to the Church rethinking its “judgmental” stance on homosexual acts. In other words, Francis’ constant unscripted speaking has caused unprecedented pandemonium and chaos in the Catholic world.

Despite this being the harsh cold reality, when one enters the world of the Vatican Insider one is transported to a far different place.  As one opens its pages, one can feel the gentle breeze blowing. A glance to the right reveals a rainbow bridge; while to the left unicorns are merrily at play. Straight ahead is the Candy Cane Forest, beyond which lives the Muffin Man and H.R. Pufnstuf. can just smell the Springtime!

Yes, according to the Vatican Insider, Pope Francis has actually made a significant and important breakthrough! Indeed, the pope has actually overcome the entire media through the ingenious tactic of saying whatever he wants, whenever he wants. This allows... get this…the pope to speak directly to the people in a crystal clear and direct manner that has no need of pesky media filters! Thus, the media is a complete non-factor. Yes, you heard it here first. Sorry, media. Try as you might, your efforts to obscure and twist Pope Francis’ words have amounted to absolutely nothing. For, as we all know, we can simply look up exactly what Francis said on the internet for ourselves! Thus, there is not even a shred of a chance that anyone takes the Pope’s words the wrong way.

Unfortunately, as one finally looks up from the Vatican Insider article, he is cruelly transported back to the real world. A world where one can’t even find transcripts of the Pope’s homilies because the Vatican website only produces summaries (so it can presumably control and edit Francis’ spontaneity).  A world where an entire transcript is actually published between an atheist journalist and the pope on the Vatican’s own website, but yet that transcript is called into question by Neo-Catholic sources. And finally, and most importantly, a world where precisely none of this matters as nearly everyone on planet earth is (shockingly only to the Vatican Insider) reading and relying on media reports to know what the pope is saying. Thus confusion reigns.

And if the Vatican Insider has any doubts about this confusion, I encourage their writers to visit Jimmy Akin’s column over at the National Catholic Register. There, Jimmy’s keyboard is literally smoking with action as he is constantly having to correct so-called misinterpretations of every off-the-cuff statement the Pope makes. Recent Akin articles include:

Is Pope Francis about to “rip up” the Vatican constitution?

Did Pope Francis just say that evangelization is “nonsense”?

Did Pope Francis say atheists don’t need to believe in God to be saved?

Is Pope Francis about to eliminate celibacy?

What should we make of Pope Francis bowing when greeting people?

As for me, I will continue to live in the often-depressing land of post-conciliar reality. While it is a mess, at least the laws of logic and non-contradiction still apply and it is a lot more predictable. As Dorothy once said after a long strange trip to Oz, “there’s no place like home.”

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