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Thursday, March 23, 2023

The World of Well-Behaved Women, If only we could figure out what one is

By:   Barbara Cleary
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The World of Well-Behaved Women, If only we could figure out what one is

Bumper stickers can speak volumes about the person who owns the vehicle. Apart from the free political advertising that adorns many car bumpers, we can be easily entertained while tooling through town or across the country by clever wing dings that challenge us to COEXIST, encourage support of one sports team or another, and my favorite: the sometimes humorous or thought-provoking sayings with a subtle edge. The one that I have seen quite frequently of late is the insipid statement that “Well-behaved women seldom make history”.

 

I fully understand the point: the bumper sticker owner wants us to believe that in order for a woman to achieve anything of value in this world, she must set aside conventions and embrace that which is not typically considered “womanly.” We are expected to believe that unless the woman was a revolutionary of some sort, like Susan B. Anthony, the flappers of the 1920s, or those active in the feminist movement in the late 20th century, the everyday woman has little impact on the world. Or is that what the statement really means?

As the Lenten season progresses our focus moves toward those actions that will draw us closer to God. Who, then, is the better example of this selflessness and sacrifice, Our Blessed Mother or the “icon” Madonna?

Of note is that the person to whom this statement is attributed is Laurel Thatcher Ulrich. She later explained that she did not mean to imply that just because a woman is well-behaved, she has no importance in history; rather, that a woman is easily overlooked, ignored, and seldom remembered.

Ok. I am up for that challenge.

Getting on the same page

It is important for any intelligent discussion — especially when the topic could be controversial — that all involved are agreed on the terms. There are several words in the statement that I believe need clarification in order for anyone to put forth an opinion on this.

Setting aside “women” for the time being, I think it might be advisable to look into what exactly is “well-behaved”.

My first thought takes me back to my growing-up years when good manners and being “well-behaved” were much the same thing. This was not limited to when I was in public situations with my parents, either. We, children, that is, were expected to act in a manner that was respectful and considerate to teachers, clergy, friends of my parents, etc., when out and about.

We were also expected to treat our parents in the same manner even when not in public. You know, “Yes, sir”, “No sir”, “Yes, ma’am”, and “No, ma’am” when we were addressed. That sort of thing.

More than 2000 years later, the Blessed Virgin Mary is remembered, loved, and revered by those who know her and her Son. She is also the object of derision, defilement, and degradation by those who I believe fear her power and influence.

Thus trained, children grew up to be adults who could interact with others in positive ways, even if there happened to be differences of opinion. I would suggest that at the time this was the norm and not the exception.

What is understood today

This is not so much true in our times now. A search through the Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines “well-behaved” as behaving in a polite or correct way, which is really not helpful because the word behaved is part of the definitionA thesaurus search brings up these synonyms:

  • obedient
  • docile
  • persuadable

Somehow these descriptions don’t fit the context of the bumper sticker. Imagine:

  • Obedient Women Seldom Make History
  • Docile Women Seldom Make History
  • Persuadable Women Seldom Make History

Filling in the blanks, then, women who behave politely or correctly don’t tend to be remembered in history. Does the question then become what does “politely” or “correctly” imply? In our time is there any such thing as being polite or behaving in a correct way?

This is hard to say when we have women who are open to offending millions of people (not just Catholics) and worse still, disrespecting the most important woman in history, ever.

vanity fair madonna Icon indeed. Photography © Luigi and Iango for Vanity Fair Italia

So what word is a fitting choice to replace “well-behaved”, since clearly, this isn’t working? Might I suggest the word “act” instead, as in: Well Acting Women Seldom Make History

The same Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines “act” as the sum of a person’s actions or effects that serve to create an impression, or set an example.

This might work better, I believe because, in the first instance, there can be a negative connotation to women who follow the expectations society sets, not set, or has set which place women in an “obedient, docile, or persuadable” cubbyhole.

What Madonna has done in mocking Our Blessed Mother is a terrific example illustrating that it is possible (and even likely) for a woman to behave badly, leaving an impression of contempt not only for those who follow Our Lord and revere His Mother but of God Himself.

In the second instance, we can understand a bit better that women who act in a way that creates an impression or sets an example could be either positive or negative. I would say that what Madonna has done in mocking Our Blessed Mother is a terrific example illustrating that it is possible (and even likely) for a woman to behave badly, leaving an impression of contempt not only for those who follow Our Lord and revere His Mother but of God Himself.

It also sets an example that it is perfectly fine to disrespect others who don’t hold your beliefs (despite the fact that she was raised Catholic, but renounced it when she joined the Kabbalah). So much for honoring diversity.

Our lady of sorrows statueOur Lady of Sorrows (Courtesy of hisgirlsunday.com)

Where do we go from here?

As the Lenten season progresses our focus moves toward those actions that will draw us closer to God and away from ourselves: prayer, penance, mortifications, and almsgiving. Who, then, is the better example of this selflessness and sacrifice, Our Blessed Mother or the “icon” Madonna?

Has the Blessed Mother made history? Has she been remembered?

My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior; because he has regarded the lowliness of his handmaid; for behold henceforth all generations shall call me blessed; because he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name; and his mercy is from generation to generation on those who fear him. (St. Luke 1:46–50)

More than 2000 years later, the Blessed Virgin Mary is remembered, loved, and revered by those who know her and her Son. She is also the object of derision, defilement, and degradation by those who I believe fear her power and influence.

Has Madonna made history? Will she be remembered? Sure, but hers is just a flash in the pan. My thought is that in 2000 years no one will even remember who she was or that she even existed. “Material Girl”? What is that?

What has Madonna done to contribute to history? Well, she certainly has mastered the ability to use shock power to keep herself in the public eye. Once her generation has passed into eternity, so will her memory.

In the long run, I suppose that women, whether behaving well or badly will have some sort of remembrance in history. It all depends on the impact their actions have on posterity.

What has Madonna done to contribute to history? Well, she certainly has mastered the ability to use shock power to keep herself in the public eye. Once her generation has passed into eternity, so will her memory.

What has the Blessed Virgin Mary done to contribute to history? Well, she aligned her will to that of her Creator and gave birth to Christ whose impact on the world has never ceased from generation to generation; and she lived her life without being in the public eye. “Mother of God”, “Virgin of Virgins”, and “Tabernacle of the Most High” — the litany of her titles is almost endless.

Moving forward

All of this said, the point that a woman does not need to be “well-behaved” in order to make history is acknowledged. Whether or not the memory is long-standing depends on its impact.

Which brings me to the next point of discussion: What, exactly, is a woman?

Dr. Rachel Levine picDr. Rachel Levine, Assistant Secretary of Health (official portrait 2021)

It seems my investigation must be ongoing.

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Last modified on Thursday, March 23, 2023